by Mike Vinti
Content warning: mentions racism, rape
Well, that’s it folks, it’s official. Donald Trump is the Republican nominee and one step closer to wiping out all sentient life on earth, sorry I mean one step closer the US presidency. It’s been a pretty terrifying week watching the Republican National Convention, even on this side of the Atlantic, and the hate levels are only set to rise as the human whoopee cushion begins his flatulent rampage towards the Whitehouse. Now, it’s been clear for sometime that the Republicans were going to have a cloud of methane with a wig floating on top for their nominee, however all the pomp and plagiarism (looking at you Melania) has got us thinking about what music should play in a presidential election, particularly one with such apocalyptic overtones.
There’s been a number of Trump related music stories doing the rounds this week, the biggest of which is the candidate’s insistence on using Queen’s ‘We Are The Champions’ as his opening music, despite repeatedly being told not to by the surviving members and, we can only hope, Freddy Mercury’s ghost in a series of A Christmas Carol-esque dreams in which Trump is shown what an unfettered cunt he truly is. Fartin’ Racist Donald (to give one of his own signature nicknames) also caught some flack for closing the same speech with a track by the Rolling Stones, a band whose disdain for Trump is even clearer than Queen’s given that guitarist Keith Richards famously pulled a knife on the prick way back in 1989.
Now, you’re probably wondering if Queen and the Stones are out of the question, what music should soundtrack the next three and a half months (and let’s pray it’s only three and a half months and not four years) of petty narcissism and exploitation of the working class?
The obvious choice is dad rock. Pillar of the ageing white man, dad rock is the native music of Trump and his supporters, male and female alike. Fading relevancy, bad haircuts, questionable politics, dad rock may be the perfect music to soundtrack the year 0 AT (After Trump), however between Queen, the Stones and his on going back and forth with both Neil Young and Survivor (that band that wrote ‘Eye of the Tiger’ because obviously Trump has been playing that at his rallies) it seems like a lot of the dad rock classic are out of the question.
that band that wrote ‘Eye of the Tiger’ because obviously Trump has been playing that at his rallies
Of course there are some musicians happy for Trump to play their music to amp up his crowds. Take for example Ted Nugent, famous country rocker and exorbitant racist, not only is Nugent happy for Trump to play his frankly terrible music at his rallies but he’s openly called for his fans to support the candidate for president. Another famous Trump fan in the dad rock cannon is Gene Simmons, frontman of shiny clown nightmare KISS, famed hater of hip hop and also kind-of-racist-but-nowhere-near-as-racist-as-Ted-Nugent. Simmons hasn’t actually endorsed Trump but back in January he did state that he thought Trump ‘good for the political system’ and the two have been friends for a while, which makes sense really because if there’s a musical equivalent of Trump’s famous desire to slap his name is giant shiny letters on everything, then it’s probably Kiss.
All in all though dad rock seems a bust, so lets move on. So the ageing rock star contingent aren’t fans of Trump how about their most obvious replacements in modern music, the rappers? Now, hip hop and Trump have something a complex history.
Before he announced his presidency many MCs had declared themselves fans of his, mostly owing to his being very very rich and incredible flashy. However since kicking off his presidential candidacy by labelling all Mexicans rapists and proceeding to gain endorsements from former grand dragon of the KKK, David Duke among other white supremacists, its safe to the hip hop community has split in there opinion of him. It’s not exactly an even split either, countless MCs and artists have made their negative feelings toward the candidate clear, with many even taking shots at the alleged rapist in their bars. Indeed, a quick google search reveals only two rappers that have come close to endorsing Donald Trump: Kid Rock, who lets be honest has as much to do with hip hop as Gene Simmons, and Azalea Banks who endorsed him in the middle of a racist, homophobic tirade against former One Direction member Zayn Malik, so fuck that noise.
since kicking off his presidential candidacy by labelling all Mexicans rapists and proceeding to gain endorsements from former grand dragon of the KKK
Hip hop was never going to be much of a goer so let’s continue our hunt. If rock and hip hop are no-gos then surely Trump’s musical fans must lie elsewhere, perhaps he’ll fare better among purveyors of what I’ve been told is the music of America itself, country. Well frankly, I don’t know shit about country and I’m not about to change that for the purposes of this article, however Wikipedia informs me that not only has Kenny Rogers declared himself a fan of Trump but both Justin Moore and Loretta Lyn have endorsed him for president as well and that’s the highest number of musicians yet so things are looking good banjo-owning Trump fans!
Well, we all saw that coming right? Country musicians like Trump, who would’ve thought? But what about all the other music? Well, frankly there are too many genres of music and if I have to write the word Trump one more time I think he might appear in my house and start reading his Twitter feed to me so lets end our search here. Until next time dear readers, I leave you with the wise words of YG and Nipsey Hussle, ‘Fuck Donald Trump.’
Featured image: still of FDT via worldstarhiphop.com