STANDOUT PINTS FROM THE MILLION

by Jake Reynolds

In response.

211

The pennies from the old guy
in the flat cap
with a Brewers Fayre menu
creased in his creasing hands
that old guy
so studious

666

students
come sniffing
rock pooling
minesweeping
hair drying
good heads on them maybe
here just one just one go home

3,566

This woman is the human engine
and evening’s ending
on the phone
heaving on
going home
coming back

44,282

Whole white moon
in the face of a girl just eighteen
her black eyes roll back
at the kinds of men who still gel their hair at forty
she drains it
(the Guinness)

100,000

Kid tried to make
the world a better place
kid had a hole in his mosquito net
he swears

288,300

— What would your Mexican wrestling name be?
— My what now?
— Your Mexican wrestling name. Like. You know.
— My Mexican wrestling name.
Now, I don’t know about that.
You’ll have to leave that with me.

Three-eighty, mate.

500,001

hickory dickory dock, man who hits the hand-dryer button with his elbow and opens the bathroom door wide upon exiting to give the impression he has fully washed and dried his hands after a piss even though he never has, not in his whole life, whistles as he leaves and raps his knuckles on the bar

771,589

YOU RECKON you’ve pulled over half a million?
woooooow I bet you I bet – ha ha – I bet
I could drink all them right
right ha ha ha I do I do bet you though
pour em all in a bath or broth
broth ha ha ha Denise Denise
oh God is it broth DENISE
that thing for pigs
TROUGH ha ha ha ha ha OOP
nearly fell there
ah. ha. what my husband eats like ha ha
I’d drink it all outta ha ha ha

999,999

see him over there look I like him
I’ve liked him all night
he’s really into dogs I am such a fucking dog person
I feel like he properly listens to me when I talk
so many people don’t listen to me when I talk
I’m finishing this then talking to him I think
I think he’s shy I hope he’s just shy
I sort of hate silence I couldn’t live alone
when he crosses his legs he crosses them away from me
I can’t remember what that means
is it like ‘not interested’ or like inviting or something
ah, ah, I’m too drunk for this
but I wouldn’t say a thing otherwise not a damn thing
damn

Featured image Phil Cutter © Antony Kelly

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