Cate Blanchett, it’s come to this. You know they say the world will end when
BBC Radio Four stops broadcasting? Well, I’ve been playing with the dials on
my Roberts Revival RD60 DAB and I don’t know about you but down my end I
swear the voices are getting fainter and fainter.
Cate Blanchett, look, it’s like this: the world is a ruin, like I said. I’m not pulling
your leg. I wrote a poem called Strikes because I thought talking about
doctors and bombs was really clever, see, because… sure, you get it.
Hey Cate Blanchett. Bought a midnight ticket to your new film. It was a tour de
force — your fourth this year! On the way home people gave me shifty looks.
Nobody trusts anyone at night-time any more, which saddens me.
O Cate Blanchett,
I’m falling to pieces!
The world’s a smudge
of crossed-out treaties!
Cate Blanchett, something strange happened today. I was thinking about the
refugee crisis and how long it takes politicians to say the word ‘but’, and then
out of nowhere my kettle exploded. It made a springing sound like it was
pouncing on something. Isn’t that the most troublesome thing? That the terror
comes and goes?
Cate Blanchett, sometimes I feel desperately lonely and I do wish you would
tell me that’s okay and part of the human condition, because verification is all
we want in these dark times.
Cate Blanchett, why do we hurt each other? All of us, I mean. Not me and
Hi, Cate Blanchett. Wow, I can’t believe it, can you? Last night a big deus ex
machina came down from the sky and stood over the Earth and pressed a
reset button and everything was fine. No, better than fine! Everything was
great. Now we live in a world without pain. I woke up so happy. I can’t believe
it Cate Blanchett, wink wink nudge nudge. Yeah, I confess, I know it was you!
Zzzip! That’s me zipping my mouth closed. I knew you’d come to save us.
You’re president of the world!
Cate Blanchett, it’s been so long. I’ll never forget what you did. I don’t look at
my shoes when I walk any more.
Cate Blanchett. I had a dream last night that for your next film you packed a
suitcase and came to stay via a staircase into my brain. It’s going to get rave
reviews. You’re going to be incredible. I should know!
Cate Blanchett. The film is still going really well. At night-time when I get
scared about the people I love, you put the kettle on like you did all that time
ago and you say Don’t worry about that, my love, not when there is so much
joy yet to be had.